Welcome Saladites, Croutons, or whatever your preferred designation, to the second issue of the sensational Scary Salad Eater horror magazine! We're delighted to have you drop in and sample the dressings. In this issue you'll learn your fate with Mistress Obsidian's horroscopes, whip up something truly terrifying in Creepy Linguine's Cocktail Corner, have nightmares for weeks with our story: Running from the Wasps, fall victim to the temptations of our featured Salad Siren and finally, see a little bit more than you bargained for.
Remember that weird magazine you found in a dusty box in an antique store as a kid and your mom made you put it away and ushered you out the door? Well now you finally get to read it. Enjoy!
April Horrorscopes with Mistress Obsidian
Aries- The Budding Berserker
Spring fever hitting you hard, Aries? While you're charging headfirst into fresh projects and new flings, tread carefully. Not everything sprouting this season is friendly. Some seeds carry curses, and some hands pulling weeds… aren't attached to living bodies. Watch your back in the garden.
Taurus- The Possessive Planter
You want to claim every inch of the season, Taurus—picnics, flowers, all the earthly delights. But hold on. Hoarding too much may catch the eye of something territorial. And trust Mistress Obsidian: that thing doesn’t mind pruning you out of the picture.
Gemini- The Twin Bloom
Feeling fresh and flirty, Gemini? You might be spinning between social butterflies and
mischievous moods, but beware of making too many promises this March. Some unseen entities are listening… and they’ll expect you to keep every one. Even the blood-bound ones.
Cancer- The Nostalgic Nurturer
You’re all about cozy spring traditions, Cancer—planting, cleaning, reconnecting. But when you dig up old memories, sometimes other things come up too. That knock at the door? Might not be the neighbor. Could be something older… something that remembers exactly what you buried.
Leo- The Sunshine Siren
You’re shining bright, Leo, strutting into spring with all eyes on you. But beware—mirrors reflect more than your glow this month. There's something watching, mimicking, waiting for its moment to switch places. Don't linger too long admiring yourself… unless you want to meet your reflection’s darker half.
Virgo- The Pruning Perfectionist
Organizing your spring cleaning down to the last petal, Virgo? Careful. You might sweep away more than dust. Some cobwebs aren't meant to be disturbed, and some shadows cling no matter how hard you scrub. Don't be surprised if something starts rearranging you.
Libra- The Equinox Enchanter
Balancing your blossoming social calendar, Libra? Be mindful. March brings equilibrium—but also doors between worlds creaking open. If you hesitate too long between yes and no, you might find yourself stuck in between… where neither light nor dark rule, but something much colder.
Scorpio- The Thorned Tempter
Mysterious as ever, Scorpio—you’re luring people closer, like bees to a flower. But every rose has its thorns, and this month, your charm might attract more than admirers. Something far older, far hungrier, might just follow your scent right into your shadow.
Sagittarius- The Wandering Wildling
Itching for springtime escapes, Sagittarius? Road trips, forest hikes, moonlit
adventures—sounds fun. Until you wander somewhere ancient. Somewhere forgotten. And there, under the budding trees, something forgotten will notice you. Remember: not every path leads home.
Capricorn- The Seeded Schemer
You’re plotting the perfect spring strategy, Capricorn—growth, success, plans in full bloom. But be careful of what you’re cultivating. Some seeds take root deeper than expected, and what grows might twist into something you can’t control. Tend your ambitions… or they might devour you.
Aquarius- The Springtime Rebel
You’re ready to reinvent the season, Aquarius—tearing down tired traditions, building
something new. But tamper too much with nature's rhythm, and she’ll answer back. The old gods of renewal aren’t fond of those who disrupt their cycles… and they have interesting ways of restoring balance.
Pisces- The Dreaming Dandelion
Your head’s in the clouds, Pisces—soft breezes, pastel skies, daydreams drifting like pollen. But don’t float too far. The veil is thin this month, and the things behind it? They don’t care if you’re caught in a reverie. If you hear whispers on the wind, don’t follow. Not all flowers lead to fields of gold.
Creepy Linguine’s Cocktail Corner: The Whispering Magnolia
Featured Story: Running from the Wasps
Salad Siren Centerfold Interview: AI-99 "Lucy"
Bonus Gallery: Eye'll Be There For You
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